"Hey! What? That better not be what I think it is," snapped Aragorn tersely as he stared down in disgust at his boots, all spattered with liquid. He raised a fist as he shuffled back, pushing against the tightly packed bodies of the Gondorian Guards. Muted groans and a sharp cry arose as some one was elbowed in the stomach and another had his foot trod upon.

"I'm sorry, my Liege! I…I just couldn't hold it any longer!" The despairing soldier was desperately attempting to put distance between himself and his King while doing up the lacings of his breeches.

"Well nobody else has managed to pee on his neighbour. What's your problem?" demanded the King in outrage.

"Actually, two people have urinated on my boots," another warrior commented.

"Never mind that!" shouted Eomer. "You must all work together if we're to have any hope of escaping."

"Aye," added Gimli, "the bars moved the last time and quite a lot of dirt came down. A few more concerted shoves and the whole barricade will fall."

"Yes, you must put your backs into it before we all suffocate from the atrocious BO accumulating down here," complained Elladan.

"And hurry! It is almost time for the rabbit guard to bring the food," finished Elrohir.

The captives had waited patiently for Merry to secure their rescue. At first. After the realisation that the men of Gondor, crammed like sardines in their tiny cell meant for no more than two, had no where to turn in which to attend certain bodily functions, and that the rabbits were not going to provide any water for washing, the prisoners began to work on breaking down the barred doors anew. Aragorn had determined that if he and all his ten men shoved with their combine strength, they just might work the bars loose.

They were set in dirt, after all, not mortar and brick. (You recall, several notices have been posted attesting to the rabbits' lack of intelligence. Rather than invoke a spell that turned the surrounding dirt into stone, the hares had merely settled for a spell that prevented the locks from being picked. How they knew Elladan was an expert at this has not been discovered.) For the last several hours the men had been toiling against the stout bars, shoving and heaving and even digging at the earth against which the bars were wedged.

"I don't see you two putting forth any effort to help free us," criticised their foster brother. "Where's that much touted elven strength, eh? No wonder you still smell of honeysuckle and ivy! If we have worked up a sweat, it is honest sweat earned by labour on your behalf as well!"

"Fine! Just get on with it. Please!" conceded Elrohir.

"You can do it!" encouraged Eomer. "Just think of those frosty, foaming mugs of ale, the lovely ladies flashing their dainties for a handful of bright beads, the adoring fangurlz so eager to learn all about you and write of your bravery, to experience first hand your courtly ways!"

"Don't lay it on too thick, Eomer, or their energy will be diverted to other parts of their bodies where there is substantially less muscle," warned Elladan.

The men responded well to the King of Rohan's heartening words, however, and braced against the barred wall. With a great groan they pressed upon it, and a grating, grinding noise accompanied another thick fall of soil and gravel. Panting and gasping, the men and their King leaned upon one another to recover their wind.

"That was almost it, men!" said Aragorn in glee. "Once more and we shall be out. Come on! All together! Push!"

"No! Wait!" hissed Elrohir. "The rabbit is coming! I will lure him deeper into the room, then you lot push down the door and jump him!"

There was no time to debate or argue for now the others could hear the clanking rasp of the bolt being drawn. Trying to act non chalant, the Gondorian soldiers played Rock Scissors Paper while Aragorn whistled an elvish tune. The rabbit did not seem to notice but went about his task of throwing vegetables through the bars. When he reached Elladan and Elrohir's cell, the twin Lords called him over.

"Hey you, what's your name?" asked Elladan.

"You don't need to know," said the rabbit.

"Oh that's fine. It's not like I care or anything; I just wondered what to call you when I tell the story of how you outsmarted the realms of Men, Elves and Dwarves," said Elrohir.

"Yes, it is going to make a marvellous tale for the Hall of Fire," added his brother.

"You must be one of the strongest hares I've ever met."

"Well, I do work out," preened the rabbit, drawing closer. This was the first time any of the prisoners had spoken to him. He looked from one twin to the other, a little leery of them because he couldn't tell them apart.

"It shows," nodded Elladan. "Why I have a wager with my brother here regarding your strength."

"Oh?"

"Yes, Elladan claims you are so strong you could bite through the very bars of this cage if you wanted to," added Elrohir.

"Well, I don't know. Never thought to try it. Not a bloody beaver you know." The rabbit scratched behind his ear and came closer to inspect the bars.

"Of course not! Beavers chew through wood; how hard is that? Even I can chew through wood," scoffed Elladan.

"Never mind, Elladan; I told you he couldn't do it," Elrohir remarked blandly.

The rabbit scowled and narrowed its eyes, sniffing the bars carefully. Then without further ado he clamped down on them with his long incisors. Just then, the twins pounced, each snatched hold of an ear, dragged it through the bars. and tied them together in a knot. The hare squealed and writhed, trying to get loose, but he was well caught and tugging too hard hurt his ears terribly.

A great crash resounded through the room and Aragorn and his men tumbled out into the corridor in a heap. In no time they righted themselves and dashed toward the trapped rabbit. They beat upon it mercilessly with their rubbery swords, jumping and dodging to avoid the lethal kicks of its massive back legs. Two were not so lucky and met their demise at the paws of this cunning rodent. Elladan and Elrohir gouged its eyes with their own rubber swords and after that the creature gave up, passing out from its many wounds, and many hours later it expired, put to death by Sharp Tooth for failing in his duty.

The captives gave a great cheer and congratulated one another. They found the keys to the cell hanging from a string around the creatures neck and Aragorn unlocked the doors. Then, the men and elves and dwarf crept along the passageways leading to the surface, fearful of meeting more of the giant hares yet determined to get out into fresh air and sunlight once more. They encountered not a trace of their captors. The warren was utterly empty. The rabbits had already departed to carry out their diabolical plot.

As soon as the missing world leaders emerged from one of the warren's escape tunnels, of which rabbits usually have many, they beheld the Lord of Lothlorien along with Elrond, Rumil, Oropher, and a score of Galadhrim warriors haphazardly digging up Rabbit Lea. Oropher, it should be noted, was not digging. He was operating a signal collector to record the search and rescue effort for 'posterity' although really he hoped to boost the ratings of the 5 O'clock news. Naturally, Selldhuin was there providing commentary. Thus, the lilliputian leaders were all immortalised in their miniature state, laughing and smiling and slapping each other on the shoulder and shaking the index fingers of all the elves who had turned out to save them.

LBC interviewed them, except for the anonymous soldiers, and thus was Aragorn's image projected to all the world, (on the 11 O'clock news instead, Orophin having been convinced by Galadriel to delay the exposé in the interest of world harmony and peace) smiling as he remarked "Wash off all this pee" in answer to Selldhuin's query of what he planned to do first. For many many days after the events described here were over, LBC continued to run the footage of Rumil collecting them up, putting them in a laundry basket, and covering them over with a towel. He and two other wardens carried them thus back into the city, for it would not do for anyone to see them and realise something was going on.

During the daring rescue, the festivities progressed as Galadriel conducted the writer's workshop. Many fanfiction authors were there to hear the Lady of Light expound upon her role, and that of other females, in epic stories such as the the Tale of the Ring War. Eowyn was one of the panellists, as was Rosie Gamgee of the Shire. Several elven scribes were in the audience, hoping to learn how to make their historical accounts more true to life and exciting. Cher had promised to come in for the last twenty minutes for her insight on what it was like to be a female minstrel. They were all seated comfortably in the Lady's Magic Mirror glade, with the lovely sound of the rushing river soothingly filling the background. The topic had migrated away from the feminine point of view, after much heated discussion, and the subject of inspiration, muses, and plot bunnies was taken up.

"It's either feast or famine," Ana (a fanfiction writer) complained. "Sometimes I have fifty ideas all needing attention and then again there are times when nothing catches my interest."

"That is why I capture and domesticate the wild, raging plot bunnies," confided Anarithilien (fanfiction writer-famous). "That way, I can just go pick one from the herd whenever I wish."

"Yes, but if you make them too tame, you get bored with them too quickly," argued Esteliel (yep, another one, also famous).

"And if you try to get rid of them, they just divide, rather like Tribbles," opined Indigo Bunting (a new one-very good).

"I don't understand," complained one of the scribes. "Where do these peculiar hares come from? I have never seen any, much less been bitten by one."

"Well that is pretty obvious," snorted Sivan (one of this writer's faves!). Before the scribe could retort, a terrified shriek reverberated through the trees. An elf came tearing through the clearing and jumped into the river, submerging completely. A small, furry beast emerged, swimming determinedly toward the shore, a dangerous gleam in its mad, red eyes.

"Oh no," groaned Galadriel, "not again! Everyone, run! Save yourselves; dive in the river!" She hiked up her skirts and leaped into the cold water just as a rampaging stampede of irate rabbits (well, at least twenty) poured into the Magic glade.

The veteran writers followed her, abandoning their notebooks and laptops on the grass, and wading into the Celebrant. Most of them were already afflicted with the Tribble-like ploy bunnies and could not take on anymore without their other works suffering from neglect. The scribes were completely bewildered and were swamped and the newer writers, though they knew what was going to happen, could not resist wanting a closer look at this new crop of plot bunnies. They were beset at once and soon were fervently working to get free of the resilient rodents. In no time, their shouts and screams alerted the wardens and the elves of the Golden Wood sprang into action. Since none of them were as skilled with a bow as Legolas, they did not dare to shoot the furry marauders while they were nearly covering the poor victimised writers and scribes. The Galadhrim resorted to snatching the beasts by the ears and stuffing them in burlap sacks. Realising they could not win and would soon be captured, many bunnies fled the scene and eluded the clever elves.

Galadriel and the veteran writers waded from the stream, unscathed but wringing wet, and the Lady of Light declared the workshop over. The scribes were the most severely injured, looking as though they had survived a battle against Orcs, and they were frantically taking notes, too intent upon revising the histories to even care about their many hurts. The new writers were feverishly attempting to document all the clever ideas that had just started popping into their heads and had huge grins on their bloody faces. The wounded were carried away to be treated and peace was restored.

"What should be done with them, my Lady?" asked one of the wardens, holding up a bulging sack that was writhing as the bunnies within tried to gnaw through the fabric and escape. Many had already done so.

The Keeper of Nenya waved her hands and uttered a soft incantation. At once the captive bunny stopped its frantic efforts and lay still in the bag. Cautiously, Galadriel reached in and lifted it out. It was an adorable brown and white lop-eared spider bunny. It was Far Swinger, and he gazed upon the Lady of the Golden Wood in awe, yet still he was angry. The spell kept him limp and unable to attack, however.

"Tell me why you have done this," she demanded.

"We are tired of being treated so poorly!" exclaimed Far Swinger. "Everyone brushes us off or thinks of us like so much fodder rather than thinking feeling beings! We spider-bunnies have been shunned, lied to, made to believe we were spiders when all the time we were rabbits! Yes, we learned the truth from the other hares in Rabbit Lea. We have been denied our heritage and forced into exile! We will not tolerate it!"

"How dare you," seethed Galadriel. "The spiders cared for you out of the kindness of their hearts and you repay their good deeds with contempt! Your parents and kin are responsible for a terrible Incident in Valinor, and but for the spiders you would have been abandoned there forever. The scribes have never done you any harm, yet you attacked them most of all. As for the Galadhrim, we have welcomed everyone into Lothlorien and ask only for all who journey here to dwell in peace and harmony with one another. You should be ashamed of your selves!"

"Oh dear, oh dear!" a repentant and worried clicking and whistling arose from nearby. Two of the golden spiders had come to learn what all the commotion was about, and beheld their foster children involved in a violent act of terrorism. "Truly, we never meant for this to happen," said one. "We only wished to enjoy the festival, and it didn't seem right to leave the little ones home alone."

Galadriel surveyed the great arachnid and perceived that the creature really had no knowledge of the bunnies' intentions. She sighed. "You had best collect up every rabbit you brought along to Mordor Gras," she said. "I will not have these renegade hares disrupting the Awards Ceremony tonight."

The spiders agreed and scurried away to do as they were bid. In no time they had all the remaining flop-eared spider bunnies corralled in strong spider silk. Galadriel was satisfied, believing she had thus averted the worst of the trouble.

The festive spirit of the Solstice Celebration had been somewhat squelched by the unforeseen assault of the flop-eared rabbits. The visitors were wary of where they walked and some fled back to their guest talans, especially those with small children along. Wardens carrying armed bows and drawn swords were seen patrolling in pairs throughout the avenues, searching for any suspicious looking small furry animal that might be planning trouble. There was talk of deserting the festival altogether and the woses, who had a natural fear of rabbits to begin with, decamped at once.

That was a shame, because the shy primitives had only just been coaxed into attending by Legolas, who had promised that the humans would not be hunting them and there would be no Bad Things of any sort to worry about. This had not impressed the woses and their tribal leader had withstood all influence until Legolas showed him an advertisement that had a glossy picture of Cher on it. Turns out the woses adored Cher and so they came.

Legolas was very worried about the vanishing species and hoped to find a way to integrate them into the modern Fourth Age. He was trying to convince them to move to Ithilien and live in his colony there. To cover the expenses of supporting the peaceful hunter-gatherers, he had convinced Darwinor to write a grant proposal designed to fund an exhaustive study of them before they became extinct. Legolas would have been very upset had he known the woses were gone, but he didn't even realise there had been a second rabbit attack, for he was locked inside his Naneth's dressing room and refused to come out.

The mood was so morose that no one paid much attention to the return of Celeborn, Elrond, and Rumil toting a basketful of shrunken world leaders. They brought them to the backstage area, for this was cordoned off from the public at large and several fierce looking Galadhrim warriors were stationed around its perimeter to keep the curious out. Maedhred, Darwinor, Thurintû, and Dagroh”r had also joined the various actors and entertainers and their assorted wardrobe and makeup people in the sheltered area, for the Sindarin savant was growing edgy again due to the increasing agitation among Elves, dwarves, Hobbits, and Men caused by the rabbit attacks. Plus, people were starting to tease Dagroh”r about his helmet again and someone tried to take the Trouble board. The Geeks took over the Entertainer's Lounge and were running the Pop-O-Matic scam on the hapless actors and singers. At the same time, Maedhred and Thurintû were engaged in a more serious and intense game of Go. Bets were accumulating over both contests.

Ignoring the Geeks, and the deeply aggrieved scowls each one bent upon him, Rumil heaved the basket up and plunked it down on one of the other tables in the room, whisking away the towel so the people inside could breath again.

"Water! Quickly!" demanded Elladan and Celeborn hastened to find something small enough for the Peredhel to hold and drink from. All he could come up with was one of the wardrobe maker's thimbles, which he filled and held out carefully. "No!" shouted Elladan and batted it from his grandfather's hands. "It's for them to bathe in," he pointed at the mangy Men.

"Enough!" fumed Eomer, hastily getting between Aragorn and his foster brothers for tempers were running a little short. "Just change us back to regular size and all else can be attended to in due time."

"Oh, did you find the rabbits' source of power?" asked Merry as Estella carried him into the room. She sat down and let him stand on her lap so he could see them.

"No, we were concerned with rescuing the prisoners," said Rumil, feeling a mite defensive because he had completely forgotten to search for the mysterious power nexus once the captives were located.

"Terrific," groaned Merry. "That's our only hope to breaking this spell; even Galadriel says so."

"You mean we are stuck like this?" demanded Aragorn.

"That is unacceptable," snapped Elrohir. "Get back out there and find it!"

"What am I going to do?" wailed Eomer. "My people will not follow a miniature horse lord King."

"Aye, and I'll be laughed out of my clan," lamented Gimli.

"Perhaps we can be of assistance," said Maedhred calmly. He and Darwinor had overheard the conversation and immediately recalled the strange disturbance they had noticed earlier.

"You? I think you have caused enough excitement for one day," complained Elrond. "There is nothing you can do anyway, unless you are more involved in this atrocity than we have guessed."

"Maedhred is not involved, Elrond. I will provide his alibi if you require one, for we journeyed here together and are sharing the talans in the oak grove in the southern part of the forest. He and Thurintu have been occupied with their experiments since we arrived, and none of it involves rabbits or magic," Darwinor came at once to his friend's aid. It was terrible how often Maedhred was blamed for things he had nothing to do with just because his father was one of the sons of Feanor.

"Oh? All right, I apologise," mumbled Elrond with a slight bow. It was difficult to counter Celeborn's brother, for Darwinor was so distinguished and respectable. "What is it you think you may be able to do?"

"If I set up my equipment in the place where these warrens are delved, I may be able to pinpoint the place to dig."

"That would be quite helpful if it truly works," said Elrond. "How soon can you have everything in order to begin? We are on a tight deadline, for all the Fellowship and Eomer too are expected to be presenters at this evening's award show."

"Oh great," Aragorn smacked his forehead with his palm in exasperation. "I forgot all about that."

"No need to concern yourself; we have found suitable stand-ins to play the parts of both the King of Gondor and the King if Rohan. Your doubles have been acting in your stead all day," said Celeborn.

"What? Who?" shouted Aragorn and Eomer together. They were completely ignored.

"Well we don't have anyone to be the twins, and no one for Gimli and Merry either," pointed out Elrond.

"You and Erestor can double for Elladan and Elrohir. If we use some trick lighting and maybe some stage fog, no one will be the wiser," opined Orophin. He was still recording everything with his signal capturing devise. "What do you think, Selldhuin?"

"Yes, that could work, especially after makeup and wardrobe get done with them. From the seats no one will be able to tell the difference."

"As for Gimli and Merry, any other Hobbit and Dwarf will do," added Celeborn.

"Hey! That is rude," shrilled Merry.

"Nay, lad, he's right you know," sighed Gimli. "I'll be satisfied as long as the Dwarf who plays me has a fine beard and does not learn the real reason a double is needed. Get one of my cousins from the Iron Mountains and say a personal matter requires my attention; no honourable Dwarf will inquire further."

"Well that will never work for a Hobbit. Whoever we ask is going to be too curious to let it go. Some kind of reason will have to be given," insisted Merry.

"I'll just tell him you're drunk again; that should be accepted without question," said a new voice. Everyone turned to look and there was Pippin strolling over from stage left. He shook his head and tried to keep a straight face, but it was clear he was already more than a little inebriated himself.

"Pip!" exclaimed Merry. "I can't tell you how glad I am to see you. I was nearly eaten by a falcon!" He didn't take offence to his cousin's suggestion one bit, which struck Celeborn as strange since he was so insulted by the mere idea of being virtually anonymous to the Big Folk of the world. "Do you think cousin Marimbas will do it? I saw him and his brother in the crowd during the parade."

"Sure, he'll do it. Leave it to me, old chum," assured Pippin. He stood before the table and surveyed the diminutive heroes of the Ring War, giggling as Gimli attempted to glare dangerously and Eomer cursed in Rohirric. "You folks look a little under the weather," chuckled the Hobbit. "I never would have thought the sons of Elrond would turn out to be so small-minded, either. And Eomer seems a wee bit peeved while Gimli seems suddenly reduced in his estate. Strider, of course, is still short on patience."

"Ha ha," groaned Aragorn. "Remember that we will not always be this size, Pippin, and we will not forget your lack of compassion over our dire situation."

"Never mind all that!" Darwinor was impatient to get on with the experiment. "Pippin? I am Celeborn's brother, Darwinor. So pleased to meet you. Now go and find replacements for Gimli and Merry."

"Oh, pleased to…" Pippin held out his hand but the Elves were suddenly all hastening away and he was left standing there with only the tiny world leaders, Estella, Sonny and Cher, some stage hands, and Glorfindel. "Well that's polite," he complained but then shrugged and looked over to the twins. "Who will find Erestor? I am certain he won't listen to me if I try and convince him to play a role in the ceremonies tonight."

"Leave him to me," said Glorfindel and strode purposefully off, pleased to have a reason to get out of there as Cher had been sending him dirty looks ever since Legolas fled to her dressing room. Pippin followed after.

With the Balrog Slayer gone, Cher rose and limped toward said room, determined to find out what was wrong. Sonny grabbed her hand and halted her.

"He's fine. You shouldn't baby him, Chaeron, and you should be resting that foot. We have a big show tonight," he said sternly.

"How would you know if he's fine? You don't care about him at all! You never even pretend to be civil much less nice to my baby, Sollen, and I am tired of it! You can't blame Legolas for my mistakes. He forgave me, why can't you?" With that Cher snatched her arm free and continued on her way.

Everyone was a little embarrassed by this rather personal confrontation and tried to pretend to be doing something important; a difficult task when one is only one foot high and standing on a table top.

"I have to go check on the…um…shoes. For the show," stammered Sonny and retreated post haste.

A short silence passed.

"So, does anyone know this story?" asked Eomer.

"Which one: Why Legolas is so upset to see Glorfindel again or how it comes to be that Legolas' naneth is a famous diva?" asked Elladan.

"Oh, enlightenment on either one would be intriguing," said Aragorn eagerly.

"Sorry, it's as much a surprise to us as to the rest of you," stated Elrohir. "But we are all small enough to sneak up and listen in, if we had help getting down from this table."

Everyone turned to Estella and for a minute her eyes held an avaricious gleam. To be the very first to learn this gossip would certainly make her a popular and much-sought companion among even the most stuffy and elite of the Elves. Estella always wanted to be the Queen Bee in a ladies' circle but had never managed to pull it off. Now, even Galadriel would be rapt with attention if she were to share such a juicy story. Then the Hobbit remembered how much she liked Legolas, how grandly he treated her whenever she and Merry visited Ithilien, how he always called her 'Lady Brandibuck'. Next she recalled how cruelly she had treated him earlier, blaming Legolas for Merry's disappearance without a shred of evidence. The Wood Elf had seemed very unhappy and she certainly did not want to add to his misery. She frowned at all the Men, Elves, Dwarf, and Hobbit.

"I will not be part of any such underhanded eavesdropping! You'll have to get Sam or Rosie for that!" And so saying she put Merry on the table with the others and turned to go. "There is a festival going on out there and I am going to enjoy it. I will come and collect you later, Merry."

And that was that. The small folk had to rely on Elladan and Elrohir's sensitive elven hearing to try and learn what was going on.

"Open the door, Tadpole, let Nana talk to you. I promise he's not out here anymore." Cher stood outside the dressing room door, cheek pressed against the wood, tapping every now and then, pleading in soft cajoling tones. She had been there for at least an hour without any response but she was not one to give up, being easily as persistent as the room's occupant was stubborn. "I have chocolate covered coffee beans," she tempted; still nothing. She sighed. Cher had already tried offering chocolate caramels, chocolate dipped strawberries, chocolate 'Mississippi Mud' ice cream, and chocolate covered Macadamia nuts. Apparently, this was more serious than she might have wished.

"Now you listen to me, ion; I know you're upset but hiding in there won't solve anything. Let me in and we'll talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it!" came the muffled reply.

"Then we won't. WeÕll talk about that new passion mark you came in with."

"Couldn't we just talk about what to wear for the awards presentations?"

"If that's what you want. Haven't you picked anything yet?"

"No. I was distracted," this and some vague rustling sounds preceded the click of the lock and the opening of the door.

"What distracted you?" Cher entered and locked the door behind her again, following Legolas over to the small settee where he had already thrown himself into a dejected arrangement of limbs and hair, his face buried in the cushions. Cher sat on the edge and gently rubbed his back.

"I was accused of kidnapping and incarcerated without even a hearing and no recourse to legal counsel. I am going to sue once this is all over and I have time to do something about it."

"What?" she was shocked. "Here in Lothlorien? This is an outrage! I will contact my solicitor as soon as the festival ends. My poor baby!"

"It was horrible, Nana! Celeborn imprisoned me in a hollow tree. See? I have a horrid rough bruise on my forehead," the woebegone elf raised his head to show her and sat up a little as she made soothing, maternal noises and kissed where the hurt had been, even though it had happened three days ago and was all healed up. "I had to hide out in the forest, naked, with no food or anything. All the Galadhrim were trying to capture me again and even Rumil wouldn't help me. That should have made me realise, but I believed him when he apologised. Nana, how is it I always choose the wrong ones?" And with that and a muted sob the fearsome warrior cast himself into his mother's open arms.

"Oh Legolas, is that what has you so upset? N’n pen vell, why did you let him mark you so? You must insist on being treated with respect by your partners." Cher began to gently comb her fingers through her son's hair, hoping to calm him.

"I didn't let him but he did it anyway," sniffed Legolas, "and out in public. Just like Glorfindel…"

"That is unacceptable! I'm going to tell Thranduil; he'll throw that bum in the dungeon once he learns…"

"No! Nana, he must never know! Please! He is so disappointed that I don't want to help run Greenwood with him and keeps saying he'll never have grandchildren now because Selldhuin is a career woman and I like boys. He says it like I planned it all just to make him miserable."

"All right, I will keep silent where your father is concerned, but I am definitely going to have words with Galadriel. Now, what do you need for the show?" As she suspected, Legolas relaxed under the grooming and was ready to be diverted from his troubles. It was one of the things she most admired about him; he could have a little cry and then just let it go and get on with things.

"I am doing three presentations. For the first I go on with all the Fellowship, for the second one I have a steamy scene with Haldir, and for the third I am with Gimli and the script says I have to pretend to be gaga over Eowyn. I don't want Haldir to see the mark."

"It just so happens that I had Bobby design a few things for you," Cher said and smiled to see an expression that was almost joy fill her son's eyes. "You will looove these!"

As that little drama transpired, Glorfindel was making his way through the havoc left by the second attack of the rabbits, searching for Erestor. He found the esteemed kinsman to the Lord of Imladris giving aid to the afflicted scribes, who had definitely received more than their share of injuries. The seneschal was pleased to see his old friend arrive and beckoned him over.

"Glorfindel, good. There is something very bizarre going on here and we need to get to the bottom of it. So far it is mostly the scholars who are being targeted but who knows what may happen? Is anyone looking after Eldarion?" he asked, wiping his bloody hands as he helped one of the wounded scribes to her feet.

"I believe Eowyn and Faramir are baby-sitting. She said it was too hot to go out in her condition and Faramir agreed. Eldarion was actually pleased to spend some time with them, since his mother was occupied with the Aragorn impostor all morning."

"The what?"

"Oh, you didn't hear about the contest? Where have you been all day?"

"Don't be impertinent! I was leading one of the workshops, of course, on 'Manners and Etiquette of the First Age' for Silmarilion fanfiction writers. They always have the Ancients behaving as if they grew up in the early Third Age."

"Right." Glorfindel gave him a rather odd look but decided not to delve into the topic any deeper. "Anyway, your assistance is needed backstage."

"No, your assistance is needed out here, helping me uncover this plot to assassinate the scribes. I suspect Galadriel may be behind it, for she has always complained about the way she is presented as a lying kinslayer and then as an elf who coveted the Ring."

"Not this again, Erestor!" Glorfindel was ready to scream. He had been hearing this old complaint ever since Galadriel failed to invite Erestor to her Begetting Day party back in SA 150.

"Well it's true! She hates me and all the other scholars who are not afraid to tell the truth!"

Glorfindel scrubbed his hand over his face in exasperation and took firm hold of Erestor's elbow. "We do not have time to discus it. Once you are backstage, you will see that there is a more serious matter to be resolved." He dragged the seneschal away under heavy protest.

Back in Rabbit Lea, Maedhred and Dagrohir were the center of attention. The dour descendant of Feanor was fidgeting with the controls of his Viewing Mirror as he called out orders for the helmet-headed elf to shift to this or that location around the meadow. The rest of the Elves were gathered in a clump, trying to peer over Maedhred's shoulder, without crowding him to much, at the faint, glowing image. Thurintû was examining the pattern of the bunny trails and the rabbit holes, doing an abbreviated version of the counting dance as he went, a very excited look in his navy blue eyes.

"Can you see anything?" whispered Celeborn to Orophin, who was still recording everything.

"Nothing that looks interesting."

"But there shouldn't be anything on the screen at all," Elrond pointed out, "The Rabbits don't have Viewing or Transmitting Mirrors, so where is that signal coming from?" He was very willing to back Maedhred now that he saw how important his simple son's part in it all was. He smiled when Dagrohir waved at him from the far corner of the meadow and returned the gesture with true joy. "He looks so proud," he commented to Rumil, who nodded agreement.

The Experiment took a long time. The sun set and the stars began to appear, and still little more could be discerned than a blurry white blob in the center of the screen. In fact, it took so long that Elrond, Celeborn, Orophin, and Rumil had to leave in order to act their parts in the awards ceremony. Rumil balked.

"I would just as soon stay here and see this through to the end," he hedged.

"Why? I thought you were looking forward to the awards. I thought you were planning to ask Legolas to the ball and this was your Big Chance to get close enough to do so," said Orophin, lowering his signal collector immediately as he approached his brother.

"Yes, I did want to, but things aren't so likely to turn out that way now," said Rumil.

Thurintû stopped what he was doing and pointed at the Galadhrim archer. "He bit Legolas. Hard. Left a mark."

"Yes, a great big purple mark on his neck and everyone saw him. Everyone was yelling for Rumil to 'do him' and to 'unwrap the package' and Legolas didn't like it because he wasn't thinking about the maggots and everyone saw," Dagrohir elaborated, yelling from his distant location to make sure everyone heard him.

"Why you creep!" hissed Selldhuin, forgetting for the moment that she was jealous over Legolas being Ada's favourite, and she slapped Rumil across the face. "How could you do that after what Legolas went through with Glorfindel?"

"I didn't mean to…"

"It was an accident? Do you imagine that I'm stupid?" she ranted, pacing back and forth and flailing her arms in her outrage. "You better make things right with him or I will go right to Ada with this. Only his long time friendship to Glorfindel prevented him from making the Golden Stallion into a Gentle Gelding. Glorfindel had to go to Aman and face Manwë because of it. In my opinion, he got off much too easily."

Rumil was very pale and gazed in helpless misery and remorse from one sternly disapproving face to another. At last he sighed and bowed his head low. "I want to apologise; I didn't know it would upset him like that. Adar, what should I do?" the youngest of Celeborn's three foster sons pleaded.

"This is serious indeed," said the Lord of the Golden Wood. "No doubt you got carried away and I'm sure you didn't know about the Glorfindel incident because it was all hushed up once he agreed to go away to Valinor. There is nothing you can do to erase the harm you have caused, but you must ask forgiveness. Come along, we must hurry or we'll be late for the ceremony." He led Rumil away and Orophin and Elrond followed.

They got back just as the presentations were starting and all went smoothly, except that Legolas was pretending that Rumil did not exist and remained sequestered in Cher's dressing room whenever he was not required on stage. He didn't want to run into Glorfindel either. Cher remained with him and refused all knocks at the door. When Rumil arrived, she favoured him with a deadly glare the likes of which would make Galadriel nervous.

No one in the audience seemed to notice that the impostors were not the Real Thing, or if they did everyone was already too drunk to care much. The shrunken world leaders were hidden in Sonny's dressing room so none of the award winners would catch a glimpse of them.

Galadriel and Celeborn were pleased with the smooth flow of the program; the guests were having a wonderful time, the winners were all basking in the glow of 'I won!' euphoria, and even the scribes had lightened up, writing of the event in a more exciting and descriptive style than they normally used for the news of the day. The Lord and Lady were just breathing a sigh of relief as the last presentation was made when all Angband broke loose.

A veritable herd of rabbits, all of them fat and glossy and very energetic, came racing onto the stage. With superpower back-leg strength, they catapulted themselves through the air and pounced upon the hapless writers just finishing their acceptance speeches for winning first in the Naughty Category. The rabbits dragged them away from the podium, screaming and cursing at them, and then formed an impressive Bunny Pyramid with Sharp Tooth at the top so he could reach the microphone.

As he was getting into position, another swarm of hares poured into the audience, pouncing on writers, Elves, and especially scribes, at random and pinning them down. The screams of agony were horrific as the nasty bunnies buried their ugly yellow teeth into any bit of flesh they could discover. Everyone began racing around, looking for a way to escape, but the rabbits had positioned themselves cleverly to block every exit. The Galadhrim wardens were desperately trying to defend the guests, but most of them fell victim to the rabbits, too. There were just too many of them!

Suddenly from out of the trees descended the golden spiders, slinging their webs and ensnaring the rabbits, binding them up in the sticky silk. Unfortunately, spiders do not have the best eye sight, and they also ensnared more than a few Elves, Men, Dwarves and Hobbits. They meant well, but their presence added to the confusion and distracted the fighters, causing more people to fall victim to the malicious bunnies.

Vizier Haldir kept shouting, "Everyone remain calm! The situation is under control!" at the top of his lungs until he was overwhelmed by a sortie of the rampaging vermin and went down. He was soon lost amid the carnage and the gore.

Arwen screamed when she saw Orophin tackled by a pack of the beasts. Selldhuin was trying to pull the furry marauders from her husband but as fast as she yanked on off another sank in its teeth and held on.

The Queen of Gondor, fearing this fate would befall her escort, for he was still dressed as the King, grabbed tightly to Hawkeye's arm. "Run, Hawkeye! There is no need for you to sacrifice yourself!"

Grimly the hunter grasped her by the shoulders and planted a huge wet kiss on her lips. Then he looked deeply into her steely grey eyes and said: "Stay alive, whatever happens! You're strong! Stay alive! I will find you!" just before he turned tail and ran. Chingachgook frowned in disapproval but went along with his adopted brother.

Arwen stood with her mouth agape. "I can't believe he really left me in the midst of this crisis!" she yelled and stamped her foot.

Hearing the unmistakable sounds of war outside, Legolas kissed his mother on the cheek, grabbed his bow and quiver, and left the dressing room. He started shooting the rabbits left and right and every shot was a kill, but he soon ran out of arrows. With a primitive bellow he shouted out an ancient Nandorin battle cry "Danas Enel Galad!" (which just means Nandorin Elf Between the Trees! and has come to possess strangely sexual connotations in the current Age) and unsheathed his exquisite hunting knives. In no time he was slicing and dicing and fricace-ing the bunnies. He could not get far from the dressing room door, however, for the rabbits realised they had a dangerous adversary and began to concentrate their efforts on the Wood Elf.

"Go to commercial! Go to commercial!" Selldhuin was shrieking just before she too was buried by the ravaging rabbits.

Then there was an ear-splitting feedback squeal from the stage followed by brisk tapping and then a strange voice boomed out through the trees.

"Is it on? OK, good. Ahem! People of Middle-earth! The time has come for the uplifting of oppression and the end of the mindless slaughter of innocent life! The Harey Way is now in control of Lothlorien! Resistance is futile! Even now, your World Leaders are prisoners in my secret underground compound. They shall all perish, roasted over spits and chopped up for stew, unless our demands are met!" It was that horrible hare, Sharp Tooth, of course, at last fulfilling his life-long dream to Take Over the World for all of Bunnydom.

A hush fell over the crowds and everyone stopped struggling as the bunnies stopped biting in order to hear their leader speak.

"What is it that you want?" demanded Elrond.

"I want you to pay us one magillion dollars! Muwahaha! Muwahahaha! MUWAHAHAHA!" cackled the rabbit gleefully.

There was silence for a moment and then everyone broke out in hysterical laughter.

"That isn't even a real word," said Celeborn through his giggles.

"And what are rabbits going to do with money? You live in holes in the ground!" howled Elrond.

"No really, tell us what you want. I am certain we can come to some arrangement," offered Arwen.

Sharp Tooth looked embarrassed for a minute, for he had forgotten all about the Harey Way Manifesto until one of the rabbits he was standing on whispered to him. "Right! We want an end to the killing of rabbit-kind all over the world. We want a separate, free Hare State with self-determination and rigged elections. We want weapons and we want that archer over there put to death, for he has killed scores of my people this night!" Sharp Tooth pointed his paw at Legolas.

"We cannot accept those terms," said Celeborn. "We do not negotiate with terrorists. Besides, we rescued all the world leaders hours ago."

"What? You are lying! Kill them! Kill them all!" screamed Sharp Tooth. At once all the rabbits began their frenzied mauling again and Legolas renewed slashing them to pieces, unmindful that a whole battalion of the sneaky rodents was converging on his position, planning to do him in as their leader had directed.

From his location at stage right, Rumil realised what was happening and made a mad dash to reach his lover. "Legolas! Look out!" he yelled and leaped to cover the rest of the distance, landing right next to the former Fellowship member. He grabbed Legolas and shoved him inside the dressing room with Cher, slammed the door and barred the way. His screams as the rabbits attacked were blood curdling, and though he tried mightily, Legolas could not get the door open, for Rumil refused to let go of the handle.

Things were looking very grim for Rumil.

Back in the meadow under the starry, cloudless sky, the geeks were still trying to locate and destroy the source of the great disturbance, the locus of the rabbits' unnatural powers. Maedhred continued to fiddle with the buttons and knobs and Dagrohir obediently moved from place to place as directed. Darwinor had sat down on the grass to wait for something to happen and Thurintû was chuckling smugly as he pointed to the trails and holes.

"Fibonacci," he said with a huge grin.

"I know!" enthused Maedhred, "It's terrific! Oh! Dagrohir that's perfect! Stay Absolutely still!"

Darwinor got up and hurried over and even Thurintû got close enough to see the screen. The image was getting brighter and clearer by the minute, and eagerly the Elves waited for the answer to their quest.

"What is it?" asked Darwinor.

"I'm not sure," admitted Maedhred. "It looks like it might be a person, though. See? Those could be arms, and there's a head."

"Why is the head so long and pointy? What manner of creature is that?"

"Cone-heads from France!" gasped Thurintû. This was the one thing in all of mythology he truly dreaded and he always, no exceptions, checked under his bed at night three times to make sure they weren't hiding under there, waiting to sneak out and consume all the food in his pantry.

"No, those do not exist," reminded Maedhred. "I think it's…"

"It can't be! I thought he wasn't coming this year!" said Darwinor.

"Mithrandir!" shouted Dagrohir and threw his helmet up high in the air as the wily wizard suddenly materialised in a blinding flash of white light, appearing right next to him in the grass. Gandalf caught the helmet and resettled it on Dagrohir's head with a warm chuckle.

"Yes, dear boy, it is I. A great Disturbance in the Music was noted by Manwë and he sent me to investigate. A good thing, too, for this is a very dangerous object in the wrong hands." He held a huge, ornate book with lots of arcane symbols and markings etched into the exquisite hard leather cover. It had gilt edged leaves and a heavy hasp and lock over the front and back covers.

"What is it, Mithrandir?" asked Maedhred.

"Saruman's old Magic Spell book. I shudder to think what would happen if some evil-minded person found this. Can't imagine how it got buried in a rabbit warren here in Lothlorien," he answered.

"That we can explain, and I hope you can undo the magic of that object, for evil minded fiends have indeed possessed it," said Darwinor. He explained everything as he helped Meadhred pack up all his equipment.

"There is no time to lose!" exclaimed Mithrandir, He tossed the book high into the air and aimed his staff at it. Murmuring an incantation in Quenya, he turned the spell book into a brilliant fireworks display of red, gold, and green shooting stars. The cursed object was destroyed.

At that very instant, Aragorn, Eomer, Elladan, Elrohir, Gimli, Merry, and the eight remaining anonymous Gondorian soldiers were restored to normal height and their swords were once again composed of razor sharp elven steel. They raced from Sonny's dressing room and joined the melee, hacking and hewing anything small and furry. Merry and Pippin almost lost their feet several times in the confusion.

Legolas broke out of the dressing room by crawling through the bathroom window and made it back around to the door in time to save Rumil from being eaten alive. He carried the Galadhrim inside and settled him on the small settee before racing back out to finish off the rabbits.

With the spell broken, the hares returned to their normal state of docility, lost their super powers, and forgot how to speak. They cowered from the Elves, Men Dwarves and Hobbits in dread and many died of fright on the spot. Sharp Tooth somehow managed to escape, scurrying away into the darkness of the gathering night.

Slowly everyone calmed down and the uninjured hastened to tend to the more battered among the throng. There were lots of cuts and bruises but no lethal injuries had been incurred, except among the scribes. To his horror, Erestor discovered that one of his interns, an elf he was personally training to become Chief Scribe to Imladris once he returned to Valinor, had died of his wounds. The seneschal found this disturbing and highly suspicious.

To cheer everyone up, Thranduil brought out several kegs of the finest wine he had and Sonny and Cher returned to the stage, once it had been cleared of dead bunnies and wounded writers, and sang several sets. By the time the Geeks returned to the square the crisis was over.

The festivities were also over, of course, for everyone was too exhausted and still too much in shock to do more partying. Galadriel declared that the ball would be postponed until midnight and for everyone to go to their talans and recover until then.

TBC. Almost done. A juicy Epilogue to follow.