The sun shone down upon the broad green leaves of the Mellyrn trees and the gilded emerald foliage provided exactly the perfect degree of shade for comfort from the rising warmth as noon drew near. Throughout fair Lothlorien, elves were lazily attending to the tasks associated with preparing the gentle forest for the coming festivities. With less than a week to the great event, one might imagine the Galadhrim would be scurrying and hurrying to make sure all was as it should be. Not so, for in such a realm of light and beauty, what need was there for decoration or enhancement? None, of course, for anyone fortunate enough to be welcomed to Dwimordene was struck with the magical peace and serenity enveloping the place and cared not whether the amenities seemed primitive by Gondorian standards.

Indeed, few were those privileged to visit the Golden Wood and among these seldom had mortals been favoured. That was prior to the destruction of the One Ring and the rise to power of Elessar and his Queen, Arwen Undomiel, the Evenstar of her people and Galadriel's granddaughter.

Aragorn, Arwen, and their son Eldarion were to be the Guests of Honour during the Mordor Gras/Summer Solstice Festival. They had hosted the event in Minas Tirith the previous year and looked forward to doing nothing more than smiling, waving, and enjoying themselves this time around. It had been some time since Arwen had visited her Grandmother's realm, for she had many duties as the reigning Queen of the the Re-united Kingdoms and as a mother. The Crown Prince was ten years old and quite a handful.

Aragorn was looking forward to a break from the rigours of rule, eager to escape the endless committee meetings, conferences, and councils. He was happily anticipating competing in the sword-fighting and wrestling competitions. He was slated to play a role in the re-enactment of the Battle of Dol Guldur, portraying one Girard of Gladden, a lowly homesteader dwelling in the mires of the Gladden Fields who had saved the beornings' homeland during the Ring War in the north. The King was likewise not unappreciative of the chance to consume large quantities of ale and elvish wine with his friends and cronies. Elessar was also looking forward to showing his son the grandeur of the Golden Wood and introducing him to the way of life and the culture of the First-born.

The Royal Family and their entourage of guards, courtiers, and attendants approached the fair realm form the south-east, making their way to Edoras where they were joined by Lothiriel, Queen of Rohan, and her entourage. The huge caravan proceeded with much pomp and decorum past the renewed tower of Orthanc where a United Kingdoms peace-keeping force was permanently stationed. Governance of Isengard rotated among the various free realms and this year the duty fell to the Hobbits. Thus, Meriadoc the Magnificent was in residence at the time and he along with his family and retainers added their numbers to the King's retinue. They passed through Fangorn down a truly lovely road built by the dwarves, paved in smooth golden sandstone with excellent drainage channels along the curbs, but they met no Ents along the way, and none of the great tree-herders were expected at the Festival. All counted, there must have been more than two-hundred folk journeying together to Lorien. They reached the farthest limits of the Mellyrn trees at mid-afternoon of the day Celeborn locked Legolas in the hollow tree.

The King's Heralds raised their silver horns to their lips and trumpeted a stirring blast of dignified cacophony to announce the arrival of the Gondorian nobility. From beneath the eaves of the trees an elf emerged to greet the host.

"Welcome, good Lords!" she called in her seductive voice. "You have journeyed far and are in need of rest and renewal. Come with me and I shall tend to your every need and desire."

For a moment no one spoke. The men-folk stared with eyes bulging and tongues unfurled, the ladies glared in icy fury to be greeted in such a manner, their husbands propositioned right before their eyes.

"Now that is what I call a welcome!" smirked Merry, forgetting his beloved wife Estella was with him until she bopped him on the back of the head with her parasol. "A poor welcome!" he amended under her steaming gaze. "Not at all in tune with the esteemed station of so gracious a caravan as ours. I am shocked that this…this elvish strumpet seeks to tempt us with her wanton ways."

"Aye," added Elessar shrewdly, all too cognisant of Arwen's beady eye upon him, "this is unlike the Lord and Lady. Never have any elven maids of Lothlorien engaged in this sort of trade."

"Hmmm," said Arwen, narrowing her eyes as she scrutinised the maiden. Unsatisfied, she suddenly whispered to her palfrey and the horse cantered out from the group toward the elf. Before she could get closer than a few metres, the elleth turned and sauntered back under the trees, supple arse swaying too and fro as her hips sashayed with every step, and was lost from sight. The Queen pulled her horse up short in surprise, for she could not tell were the maid had gone. The rest of the caravan quickly joined her.

"What do you suppose this is all about?" asked Aragorn. "Is it some kind of joke?"

"Ah! Perhaps that is so. Grandmother sent me word that Rumil was recalled to Lorien after that ridiculous escapade engineered by the Lord of Ithilien in Rhûn. Few know that Rumil was involved. It would seem your dear friend Legolas has had a rather bad impact on his behaviour," replied the Queen.

"Oh that was absolutely hilarious, pre-historic sabre-toothed hares!" Merry laughed and this time Estella agreed with him, giggling prettily behind her hand. "Perhaps Legolas has already arrived and has set up this prank for us."

"It was dreadful!" cried Lothiriel, a hand fanning her face with a lacy scarf as if the very thought of the broadcast made her feel faint. "That horrid puddle of blood! The chewed hand!" she shuddered. "I was nearly mad with worry for poor Lord Legolas, as was Eomer, only to find out it was a cruel jest. I hope his father punished him well."

"Ada? Nana? Where did the pretty elf-lady go? Was she chewed up by a pack of wild carnivorous bunnies?" asked Eldarion trotting up on his pony in time to hear Lothiriel's lament. He was grinning hugely, having seen the broadcast, which had been repeated numerous times since the actual event so that various local LBC stations could have a turn at berating that rapscallion of a ruler, Legolas of Ithilien.

"Nay," chuckled King Elessar, "nothing so drastic as that, I am sure. Legolas seldom pulls the same hoax twice. Come, let us resume our pace and find our cheeky princeling before the evening meal." Everyone agreed this was a good plan and the cavalcade set forth anew.

Once more the heralds sounded their silver trumpets as the throng rounded the gentle bend in the river's course. This time everyone gasped aloud in concert and halted as the bugle-ing sputtered and died, for there upon the opposite shore was as grand a castle as any found far to the south within Gondor's borders. This stupefied inhalation of air was followed by assorted comments of amazed appreciation for the Wood Elf's skill: "Spectacular!" "So realistic!" "How does he do it?"

"Ada, may we go and see it? I want to be in on the joke so I can tell all the other children about it when we go home. I want to be on the TM!" whined Eldarion, standing up in his stirrups to get his father's attention.

"No you may not," Arwen denied the request point blank. "There is no telling what that rogue Wood Elf has up his sleeve. The whole structure is probably located right over some vile smelling midden. I will not have our family and our Kingdom made the butt of Legolas' sick sense of humour."

"But Nana…"

"Your mother is right, Eldarion. Go with her to see your Great-grannana and Great-granada." Aragorn called to the captain of his guard. "Bergil, take half the men and escort the company to Caras Galadon. Meriadoc and I will take the other half and investigate this amusing diversion."

"As you wish, my Liege," said Bergil and promptly went to divide up his forces.

"Have a care," warned Arwen, "I do not want to see you on the LBC news tonight, or have you return home covered in something disgusting and smelling like a latrine."

"You too!" Estella fussed, kissing her husband on the cheek ere she rode off with the Queen and her retainers behind the stalwart soldiers of Minas Tirith. Once they were out of sight the men-folk held council over how best to lay siege to the lovely fortress.

"We should split up. You men go back up stream a ways, ford the river, and approach the castle from the rear. The rest of us will ride up to the drawbridge," ordered the King.

"Forgive me, my Liege, but I feel one of the guards should attempt the drawbridge. If there is some underhanded plot afoot it would be better to have it befall someone else," one good soldier did his best to dissuade his King to no avail.

"No, I want to undermine this joke and talk Legolas out of any further disruptions; he is in enough peoples' bad graces as it is. Woe unto him if he angers Lady Galadriel!" Aragorn explained. "Stay back, if anything untoward occurs, ride for Caras Galadon and seek aid."

The soldier was forced to obey and thus could but watch when Aragorn, Merry, and ten armed guards were all thrown from their horses. Being sensible creatures, the steeds raced out from the trees and made for the green pastures of Rohan far to the south. The King and his followers continued on foot, boldly calling to the occupants of the castle, until all were upon the drawbridge. At this point, the entire facade vanished in a tremendous glare of brilliance, leaving the rest of the soldiers dumfounded and terrified. Without further talk they turned and rode hard for Caras Galadon. In no time they caught up with the Queens' entourage and delivered the bad news.

Estella burst into tears and Lothiriel fanned herself furiously as the Queen tried to calm the Hobbit down.

Arwen was livid. She cursed Legolas Greenleaf in every language she knew using words an elven Lady seldom spoke, not out loud at least, and especially not in front of children, and vowed to have him expelled from Ithilien as soon as the festivities were over. She was so angry she did not even notice the new bridge spanning the river and urged her horse across it, Eldarion and Bergil and Lothiriel right behind her. Of course, they all were engulfed in the strange light and vanished, transported directly to Rumil's meadow, or Rabbit Lea as the folk of the warrens called it.

He was supposed to be practising his archery but he was too upset over Legolas' fate to concentrate and thus they were in no danger when they appeared in his sight. "Queen Arwen! Prince Eldarion! You have encountered the magic wards, I see," he said, bowing low to the Queen of Gondor. A dull thud sounded behind her as Queen Lothiriel of Rohan swooned and fell off her horse, a great faux pas in a realm of horse lords and shield maidens who did everything but make love on horseback. "Valar! What has become of Eomer's fair wife?"

"Why am I not surprised to find you here, Rumil of Lorien?" Arwen scolded, utterly disregarding Lothiriel in her rage, urging her palfrey closer so she could glare down at him. "What have you done with Aragorn and Merry?"

'What are you talking about? I have not seen them, my Lady," insisted the nervous Galadhrim, backing away as Bergil trotted over on his horse, sword drawn.

"Come along quietly now, good elf, I don't want the young prince to witness any violence. Just take us to Lord Legolas and the whole matter will be cleared up." He dismounted and pointed the weapon so close to the youthful elf's nose that Rumil's eyes crossed to see it. That made Eldarion giggle.

"I cannot take you to Legolas, sir, for he is currently imprisoned by Lord Celeborn. Unjustly imprisoned, might I say. I think someone should help Queen Lothiriel," answered Rumil, backing further away and pointing to the still figure on the ground.

"Unjustly? He has just abducted the King and Merry along with about ten guards. That is hardly the behaviour of an innocent," retorted the captain.

"He could not have done so if he was already sealed inside a hollow tree!" insisted Rumil.

"Legolas is stuck inside a tree?" asked Eldarion, eyes bright with glee. This was going to make for a very exciting report on his summer vacation when he got back to his tutors.

"Aye, Lord Celeborn placed an enchantment on it, thus it is impossible for him to be the cause. Besides, he was brought here just as you were: instantly transported while crossing a delicate bridge. The spiders and the spider-bunnies got past the borders the same way."

Now the Queen, her son, and the captain stared in surprise up into the trees above them, following Rumil's pointing hand, for the branches were indeed infested with strange golden-haired spiders, a vast silken nest, and peculiar flop-eared rabbits swinging from branch to branch on the spider silk. A few of the arachnids waved a leg or two in neighbourly greeting. Arwen recovered her composure first and bent a pitying stare upon the Galadhrim warrior.

"Rumil, you are so naive," said she. "You have allowed Legolas' beauty to sway your good judgement. Of course Legolas would use the bridge himself, all the better to fool you into trusting him. Who else would have access to large spiders upon which to work his altering incantations? They were the scourge of Mirkwood for centuries. Rabbits, after all, are abundant everywhere. He is the one most likely to have arranged such an elaborate scheme and you know it first hand. Besides, he need not be present to cause all this commotion if he has set up some kind of Nandorin spells to work upon the land. Who knows what sort of black magic he learned from those Dark Elves in Mirkwood?"

Poor Rumil, his heart fell for her words were reasonable. He felt sad to have been manipulated and used thus by fair Legolas.

"Then why does he not just free himself from the tree?" asked Eldarion. His eyes gleamed. "Mayhap he already has! We should go to Great-granada and find out."

To this they all agreed and Bergil put his sword away so that he could scoop up the insensible Queen of Rohan. Upon arrival in the treetop city, they found the remainder of the group had shown up moments before them. Galadriel met them and heard the entire tale. Lothiriel recovered and demanded to see her husband, and thus it was learned that Eomer had been missing for at least two days. She promptly fainted again. The Lady of Light had her carried off to her suite, convinced Estella to go and keep her company, and sent for Lord Celeborn to determine if Legolas could possibly have freed himself from his confinement.

"Impossible," Celeborn shook his head. "That spell was taught to me by Melian herself. Nothing and no one can undo it without knowing the proper words, save perhaps Yavanna. That is not proof of his innocence, however, for if he has managed to put these wards in place so that they function independently, then his presence is not necessary. He must be drawing on the trees for the energy."

"Nay, the trees worry for him," answered Rumil, suddenly realising this was true. He had not been paying attention to them for he was stressed over the entire situation, and really since the advent of TM no one much conversed with the tall Mellyrn anymore.

"That is not proof either," said Galadriel, "for all trees love him and believe whatever he tells them. If Legolas says he is just having a little harmless fun with his friends the forest will not question further. Of course they worry over their beloved Wood Elf; no doubt he is using them to get to you and convince you to have him freed."

Again Rumil's hopes were crushed, for the Lady of Light certainly presented a likely scenario. It seemed to him now that Legolas had set him up for this fiasco during the conference in Rhûn. He turned and slumped away to Rabbit Lea where he could nurse his wounded feelings undisturbed.

Meanwhile, Aragorn and Merry and the guards were all crammed into one tiny cell, shouting and jostling to get closer to the bars so they could breathe. Merry, being a Hobbit, was small enough to slip through the bars and thus was able to get a deep lungful of air before the sounds of their captors arriving prompted a flurry of warnings from the other cells' occupants and the Hobbit sneaked inside Gimli's and hid in the shadowed corner as the hares came into view. Everyone fell silent as the malicious rabbits approached.

"Our plan is now infallible!" crowed Sharp Tooth, rubbing his front paws together in evil glee. "We have captured the human's King! Droopy Ear, have the magic portals disabled; we move on to Phase Two." The acolyte made a strange little hop that passed for a bow among the hares and hurried out.

"Who are you and what is the meaning of this unjust detention?" demanded Elessar regally. "Do you believe the people of Arda will sit by while you abduct their rightful leaders? Release us now before any harm comes to your warren."

"Harm! What do you know of harm?" snapped Sharp Tooth, drawing close and exhaling his stinky rodent breath all over the men. "How many of my kind have you killed and eaten, human King? How many baby buntings have you sewn from the skins of my kinfolk?"

"None, of course," answered Aragorn calmly, "for I have never met any thinking, speaking rabbits before. I do not hunt in the land of Lothlorien, where your kind dwell, nor do any of my people."

"Liar! All rabbits are my kinfolk, whether they can speak in your tongue or not! Is it not true that you have eaten rabbit stew, consumed roasted coneys, devoured Welsh Rarebit?" shouted the hare.

"Yes, that is so, and I will not apologise for it, for such is the way of nature and survival. Were there other fitting game I would have eaten that, and indeed do not much care for rabbit if truth be told," countered Aragorn. "You would do the same if your life depended on it."

"How dare you! You accuse us of cannibalism! Vile, disgusting animal! How can such as you be a creation of Iluvatar? I will be most pleased if your people do not meet our demands so that I may kill you myself!" shouted Sharp Tooth as he snapped at Aragorn through the bars, trying to sink his long incisors into the man's neck.

Aragorn was once a Ranger, however, and not about to be imprisoned and maimed by a rodent, especially a grossly over-sized, intensely stupid one, while he still had Anduril, Flame of the West, strapped to his side. He drew the Sword-that-was-Broken with a ringing flourish and jabbed through the bars, piercing Sharp Tooth in the leg.

"Dirty human!" it shrieked in a high-pitched squealing voice. "Murderer! You will pay for that and for every drop of rabbit blood ever spilled in all of Middle-earth!" Then the High Priest of the Harey Way began to chant in a language no bunny had any business knowing. It was an incantation in the Black Speech, and in the far corner cell Elladan and Elrohir covered their ears to block out the hideous sound.

Aragorn tried to stab Sharp Tooth through the bars again to stop the malignant spell but found that his great sword was useless, its metal transmuted into a strange flexible substance rather like willow reeds only denser so that it wobbled back and forth when he swung it. In outrage he shouted a curse and crashed the blade against the bars but the weapon bounced right off with enough force to smack two guards behind him in the face.

The chanting stopped and the evil hare staggered away on his three good legs, laughing in maniacal glee at his captives.

Once they were gone Merry crept out into the hallway as everyone greeted each other and shared their tales of capture. "I don't think this has anything to do with Legolas," said the Hobbit.

"Nay," agreed Elladan, "No matter how bored he is he would never resort to black arts and the vile tongue of Mordor. Some other mischief is afoot and these rabbits are caught in the midst of it. I fear this must be related to the horrid attack at the Great Celebration in Aman last year."

"I would say we are the ones caught, muindor," rebuked Elrohir. "How can you take the part of those despicable hares?"

"Their cause is not unjust; they have been manipulated into doing this," countered Elladan.

"I don't care. They have chosen the side of evil and thus their fate is sealed in my view," growled Eomer. "When I get free I am going to wring their scrawny necks and use their skins to make horse blankets."

"No, the bunnies at the Great Celebration were simply mad, insane. These rabbits have an agenda and a well-devised plot. I agree with Elladan, some other power is at work. Nonetheless, once free I am going to make mincemeat out of them and feed it to the hounds," Aragorn added glumly.

"Nay, I fear it would kill the good dogs, lad," Gimli warned. "Just let me cleave them and then burn the carcasses."

For a time they argued over the best way to dispose of their captors before Elrohir grew weary of it and called for attention. "This is all pointless unless we can get loose. As you have noted, all out metal weapons are utterly worthless. We need to find a means to overthrow these bunnies."

"Aye. Merry, you will have to try to sneak out and get help," commanded the King of Gondor. "We are counting on you."

"Right. I won't let you down," said Meriadoc the Magnificent, straightening up his spine and sucking in his gut. "What can you tell me about the numbers of guards and such?"

"They do not bother to even check on us except to feed us once a day," complained Eomer. "Then they never open the cells, instead just throwing mouldy vegetables through the bars. One rabbit comes down with the food, making two trips to bring water, too."

"You will have to wait for that time, which has not come yet, for only then do they open the outer door, which is secured with a heavy bolt. You will need to hide beside it and slip out when the rabbit comes in with the food," advised Elrohir.

"We can not feel a great deal of vibrations through the ceiling and thus surmise this is one of the lower passages. What awaits you on the higher levels, we have no idea," added Elladan.

"Be careful, Merry, for I fear they would not fail to kill you if they find out you are here," cautioned Gimli.

Thus, with much encouragement and caution from his comrades the Hobbit sneaked from the dismal dungeon and made his way through the dank gloom into the vestibule, there to crouch behind the heavy wooden door and wait.

Well, he got out. How he got out is the usual story of slinking along grisly, drippy passageways, getting lost a couple of times, and almost stumbling into rooms filled with giant bunnies drinking a fermented carrot juice beverage so that only the fact that he still had his Lorien cloak and was wearing it saved him. When finally Merry found himself above ground, night had fallen.

Merry stared at the surrounding trees, shrouded in the gloom of a moonless summer sky, and wondered why they seemed so tall and thin and tightly packed. As he remembered them, the Mellyrn were tremendous in girth and often many homes could fit in one tree. These trunks looked brittle and they swayed in the wind with a peculiar rushing noise that was very loud. He struggled to move forward between them, pushing and shoving to get past, and suddenly found a wide path leading away from the cave entrance. With relief he started off upon it, eager to find the Lorien elves and have his friends rescued. Just as he was beginning to feel safe again, a loud thumping as of a running deer caught his attention.

The creature came bounding down the trail but somehow did not make exactly the sort of movements a deer would. The sound of its feet hitting the ground was not hoof-like either. The shape of the thing was all wrong, too, and Merry was becoming quite nervous as the animal got closer and closer. At the last second he cast himself aside, for it was plain the beast was not going to swerve around him. It was almost upon him when the Hobbit gave an astonished cry as a great whoosh of air and a piercing cry buffeted his ears and he spied the talons of a hawk reach down and snatch up the critter, which he was close enough to identify now even in the dark. It was a field mouse nearly as large as he was.

The poor critter squeaked once and stretched out its little paw to Merry, terror shining in its round black eyes, but the next instant it was carried too far away for Merry to reach it. The Hobbit lay where he had fallen, heart pounding and mind reeling, stunned by this bizarre episode and its implications. Understanding crept over his mind and he got shakily to his rubbery legs. It was not that the rabbits had been made to grow; he and his friends had been shrunk down to coney size.

Before any of that transpired; indeed, before Arwen, Eldarion, Lothiriel, and Bergil appeared in Rabbit Lea, the spiders and their pet spider-bunnies were settling into their comfy silken nest amid the Mellyrn trees. It was really quite something to see, for the spiders had worked all sorts of clever words of encouragement and wise sayings into their webs like "Eight Eyes Make Great Spies" and "Good Job Keep Spinning" and "A Trim Nest Is a Secure Home". With all the work done, two of the spider-bunnies, Far Swinger and his sister Quick Weaver, decided to do a little exploring and climbed down on long strands of spider silk to the meadow below, curious to learn more about the other, larger spider-bunnies living there. As always, many of the inhabitants of Rabbit Lea were about, nibbling grass and clover, and Rumil was there lying on the ground cloud gazing, worrying about his friend locked up in a tree. Flopsy and Cadbury were there, discussing what to do about the misguided young hares in the trees when the miniature rabbits dropped from their webs and hopped over.

"Greetings and Salutations," said Far Swinger politely, for that is the proper way to say a formal 'hello' in spider culture.

"Good day to you," answered Cadbury. "We are pleased to welcome you to the Golden Wood. I am Cadbury, the leader of the warren."

"Thank you," answered Quick Weaver. "What is a warren?"

The other rabbits exchanged surprised glances and then smiled at the little bunnies. In no time they led the new-comers away to take a tour of the rabbits' maze beneath the surface. Far Swinger and Quick Weaver were amazed and asked all sorts of questions about the lifestyle of the underground bunnies. Flopsy became their official guide and introduced them to many of his friends and family. Of course they ran into one of the fanatical Harey Way disciples pushing pamphlets on passing rabbits and exhorting them to take up the cause of their brothers and sisters out in the wide world. Flopsy steered his guests away, urging them to avoid the radical rabbits, but being youngsters that just made Far Swinger and Quick Weaver all the more curious. Eventually, Flopsy was called away to help delve a new chamber for his sister who was about to deliver another litter of bunnies and he left them near the tunnel leading back to the surface.

It was the chance the spider-bunnies had hoped for and with haste they retraced their hops to the region where they had seen the exhorting hare. They found him and he told them all about the terrible things others did to rabbits in the unprotected lands beyond Lothlorien's bounds. The spider-bunnies were horrified and did not doubt what they were told, for they knew that their home was protected only because of the trade in commerce arranged between some of the woodsmen and the leaders among the spiders. The arachnids traded finely made silk dancing slippers, crafted with the utmost care by the spider-bunnies to cradle elegant elven feet, with the woodsmen in return for their secrecy regarding the existence and location of the spider colony. The woodsmen sold the wonderful dancing shoes to the Wood Elves for a very large profit, of course.

As they explained all this, the rabbit got an excited gleam in his eye and begged the pair to let him see these wondrous shoes. This was none other than Droopy Ear, second highest rabbit in the Order of the Harey Way, and he just knew his discovery was going to please his master Sharp Tooth. The little spider-bunnies scurried back up their webs and returned with two sets of the slippers for his inspection. When asked, Far Swinger said they did not mind at all if he kept them for they had brought plenty, enough and to spare for every elf in Lothlorien to wear during the festivities to come. They were meant to be the spiders' gift in gratitude for the hospitality extended by the Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood.

Then the arachni-hares hurried back to their nest and spread the news Droopy Ear had shared with them. Many of their friends and kin were disturbed and felt they should do all they could to aid in freeing the helpless rabbits of the world from the tyranny of the two-legged. Others felt it was not a good idea to get involved in local politics. In no time at all, two opposing factions developed among the spider-bunnies, just as they had amid the residents of Rabbit Lea.

As for Sharp Tooth, he was indeed pleased to see the fine dancing shoes. "This is the answer to our prayers," he said. "Using these we will be able to keep the Lothlorien elves safe during the uprising, even as I promised to Rumil. I will put a spell on these shoes so that anyone wearing them, once they begin to dance, will not be able to stop until they fall unconscious in exhaustion. Thus, the warriors of the Golden Wood will not be able to intervene when the time comes."

"An excellent plan, Master. I thought you would appreciate the potential in these shoes. Surely Iluvatar blesses our cause to bring these unusual bunnies into our midst just when we need them," agreed Droopy Ear. "The tree-dwelling rabbits are already sympathetic and will surely let you close enough to instil the shoes with magic."

It might be wondered what Rumil was doing during all this, but that has been explained in previous paragraphs and you should know that he had climbed up into his talan far above the meadow to continue sulking in peace while these rabbit discussions were going on. By the following morning he had stopped feeling sad about the situation and was thoroughly outraged. How dare Legolas use him as a pawn in one of his stupid schemes? How dare he let Rumil kiss him and pretend to want more? As dawn broke, Rumil was eager to return with Lord Celeborn to the hollow Mallorn where the Lord of Ithilien was incarcerated and tell him just what he thought of him.

When he got to Caras Galadon, Rumil found that many elves and a couple of mortals had the same idea, among them Arwen, Lothiriel, and Estella. Off they all went, following Lord Celeborn, Lady Galadriel, Selldhuin, Orophin, an LBC signal collector, several guards, and assorted citizens who just wanted to see what it was all about. They reached the hollow tree and Celeborn rapped smartly on the bark.

"Wake up, Legolas!" he called. "We are here to release you and we expect answers. If you do not co-operate, things will go badly for you. Your plot has been revealed and we will not have it!" There was no response from within and so he spoke the words of the breaking spell and the door swung ajar.

Legolas stumbled out and was immediately grabbed by two guards. His hair was a wild tangle and his clothes were all torn from thrashing against the inner walls of the trunk. He had a painful looking abrasion on his forehead from bashing against the tree and his hands were actually bleeding from the wrist where he had been desperately trying to get them loose. The reason for said desperation was also evident, for on the front of his leggings and all down his left leg ran a damp dark stain from which arose the unmistakable, pungent aroma of urine. As soon as the smell reached them the guards let go and jumped back.

"PEEEEEWWW!" one shouted, pinching his nose shut. "He has wet himself!"

"Oh, the little elfling cannot control his bladder, how sad," said another and everyone started laughing.

Legolas' dropped his head, shaking in dread over facing Galadriel's wrath or embarrassment over his shameful estate, none could tell which, but said nothing. He couldn't; he had screamed until his vocal chords were too raw and inflamed for use.

"It serves you right to be humiliated so," said Arwen. She rushed forward and slapped him hard on the cheek. "What have you done with Aragorn?"

"Aye, and where is my Merry?" demanded Estella, emboldened by the Queen's action to stride over and kick Legolas sharply in the shin. He gave a yelp and hopped backwards, promptly loosing his balance and falling over into the dirt.

Fragile Lothiriel saw her chance and ran up to kick him in the stomach. "I know you have done something to Eomer, you reprehensible rogue! If you do not tell me where he is I will see to it that Arod is removed from your care!"

Poor Legolas groaned and tried to get up when suddenly he was grasped by the arm and yanked to his feet. Galadriel glared down into his terrified blue eyes.

"Undo the spells now, Thranduilion, or back inside the tree you go," she intoned and shook him roughly.

That was too much, however, and something in Legolas snapped. He could not face another second trapped inside that tree and with an unholy howl he twisted out of her hands, executed a leaping-back-flip-somersaulting manoeuvre, wriggled his legs through his bound arms as he tumbled through the air, used his teeth to remove the rope binding his hands, and landed on the ground in a run. In two seconds he leaped into the trees and was quickly in full flight.

Naturally the Galadhrim gave chase, but in this their days of ease and leisure told on them, for they were not nearly as fast and stealthy as a Wood Elf racing in terror of his life. They lost him, coming upon the filthy clothing where he had shed it to act as an odorific decoy, and the Mellyrn refused to reveal Legolas' whereabouts, for they felt bad for the silvan and were angry to have been used to bring about the breaking of his mind.

Upon hearing the guards' report, Lothiriel and Estella burst into tears and then fainted atop one another, Arwen and Galadriel cursed in dwarvish, Selldhuin and Orophin discussed whether to present the footage of Legolas' escape during the Maur Aur Lorien! Show, (Good Morning Lorien!) and Celeborn stared thoughtfully at the soiled garments the Galadhrim warriors had retrieved. He shared an apologetic look with Rumil and turned away sadly, for he suspected he had done an injustice to the Lord of Ithilien that would be very difficult to correct.

As for Rumil, he realised beyond any question that he had spent the night mentally plotting against and cursing an innocent elf. Legolas would never subject himself to such humiliating degradation for the sake of a joke. He climbed into the trees and went to the place where the guards had found the discarded clothes. Somewhere in Lothlorien was a very frightened naked Wood Elf in need of help and Rumil intended to beg and plead until he convinced the trees to tell him where Legolas was hiding.