Athrabeth 'oeol (Dreadful Conversation)
Nature remained oblivious to the strained atmosphere that had settled
over the fair valley of Imladris. The day proved to be as
glorious an example of autumn weather as the graceful dawn had
proclaimed. The sky was cloud free, the colour of a flawless beryl and
seemed to arc higher above the rolling fields than normal, coaxing
Ariel to wander farther from the sleepy land. The breeze held a
hint of warmth from the Southwest and a promise of rain in days ahead.
The contrast of crimson and gold, tawny tans and brilliant yellows
against the fading clover and timothy was delightful to the eye. The
subtle crackling of the drying leaves carpeting the pathways modulated
the silence of the valley's avian population, diminished due to
migration for warmer environs in the advent of winter.
Just as Arda seemed to disregard the solemnity marring Rivendell's
normally joyous serenity, so Elladan and Elrohir took little notice of
the pleasing seasonal climate. Throughout the morning they had roamed
the highlands above their home, heedless of the spectacular landscape
displayed beneath them or the majestic glory of the roaring
falls. They were too engrossed in their internal discussion of
how to handle the unforeseen disclosure of darkness within their
father. They found themselves arguing in circles with tempers
rising and realised no answers would result from the intense mixture of
shame and guilt they shared. They needed an outlet for such
ponderous emotions before facing Elrond a second time. Elladan
and Elrohir took to the training grounds behind the stables.
After three hours of sparring to the point of exhaustion during which
they poured all the excess energy of their angry anguish into their
struggle, they collapsed in a huddled heap beneath the swaying green
curtain of a trailing willow and rested in one another's arms.
Then Elrohir tried to take away his father's responsibility by naming
the grief of losing Celebrian. And he sought to bear a part of
the blame on his own shoulders, saying he should not have gone so often
on the hunt and left Elrond so steeped in cares.
Perhaps Adar would not have turned so to Ningloriel if I had tried
to
involve myself in the valley's care. Instead I ran.
But Elladan would not allow that.
The affair with Ningloriel predated our birth; stalking Orcs is new
in
comparison.
Next Elladan sought a means to prevent Arwen from learning the
devastating truth, for that was foremost in his mind. He worried
how she might react and feared to lose her to the Undying Lands.
How shall she endure the disgrace? No blemish has ever touched her
and
she thinks Adar beyond such baseness. Must she learn about his
infatuation with Legolas?
And Elrohir had to point out that this was what their Ada had attempted
with them, to their greater injury.
There are many others who know and she is wise in the way of
secrets,
as was Nana. We would wait long for forgiveness should we attempt
to shield her. She would think we do not respect her judgement nor
value her support.
Adar only wanted to spare us. Nay, himself also. Elladan
suddenly
realised.
Aye, yet I am not so sympathetic to his pain.
Agreed, yet we cannot abandon him. Remember Miny'ammë's
words: we must remain united if our family is to survive this trial.
She does not know about any of this. The mirror was not an aid
for she was worried when we left.
Aye, for the Wood Elf, not Adar. Still, do you believe her counsel
will
change when she learns the truth?
Nay. We must tell her.
That much decided the twins hastened to the Last Homely House to
compose a letter, for they had not the gift of mental communication
except between themselves. This message was dispatched to Lorien on
falcon's wings, that Galadriel might have the news and prepare Arwen
for the turmoil to follow.
Once back in their home, they attempted to avoid their father, having
learned from Glorfindel the events succeeding their departure from
Erestor's rooms. Orophin and Dambethnîn did not venture
from the artist's studio and Nelhlûn sent their meals to them on
trays. The twins joined them for the evening repast but there was
little comfort one pair could lend the other. They quickly ran
out of things to say. It was apparent to Elladan and Elrohir that the
Galadhrim wished to be alone and so they took their leave.
With sober intent the twins approached Elrond's study and
knocked. No sound resulted, yet they knew he was within based on
Galdor's assertions. Another tapping was equally ineffective. Elladan
grimaced at Elrohir's worried eyes and this time took his fist to the
wooden boards.
"We wish to speak with you, Adar, before the morning's journey," he
called through the barrier.
Silence.
"I am going to come in anyway, then," warned Elrohir and tried the
handle only to find it locked. Now it was he who hammered in fury
against the portal. "I am not leaving here until we discuss this,
Ada!"
At last signs of life emanated from within as they discerned soft
footfalls striding back and forth across the carpet. Elrohir sighed in
relief and smiled at his brother; they could wait all night if need be.
It took a long time for Elrond to grant them entrance but he knew how
stubborn his sons sometimes were and at last the handle turned and the
door parted an inch and no more. Sharing a scowl of irritation
they pushed aside the barricade and stepped within.
A disturbing sense of dejavu engulfed them as they stood just within
the room's bounds, yet how different was this encounter than the
earlier one. Remembering their fears for their Adar and Erestor,
their indignation over the Woodland King's charges, the twins had to
swallow back the sour bile that threatened to dislodge their
dinner. They looked upon their father, seated much as he had been
at dawn.
Could that have been only hours ago?
He looks as if an Age has passed!
The sons of Elrond were shocked by the Elf Lord's appearance, for his
colour was as grey as the twilight sky and his eyes duller than
tarnished silver. The expression thereon was one they had never thought
to observe upon their father. The facial muscles were all
slackened and he stared at them blankly from a hollow and emotionless
void, empty, defeated.
Elladan hurried to pour out some Miruvor and Elrohir went to close the
shutters against the breeze that had turned cold and was rushing in
through the balcony. A flurry of parchments and scrolls mimicked
the final dance of the fallen leaves, forming a loose pile of clutter
where the sofa halted further displacement. The younger twin
scooped the papers up and dumped them carelessly upon the desk before
joining Elladan. Together they approached their father, who had thus
far refused to acknowledge their presence, and settled on the
settee. The oldest pressed the small cup of cordial into Elrond's
hands.
Slowly Elrond raised his remorseful gaze to meet Elladan's, dreading to
see the disappointment he was sure would be there. And it
was. With a bitter lurch to his reeling heart he gulped down the
stimulant and handed back the glass, shifting to see what awaited him
in Elrohir's eyes. He had to squeeze his lids tightly together,
for the younger twin's accusing stare was filled with pain and
confusion and he could not stand to know he had caused this.
"Why, Ada?" breathed out Elrohir.
Elrond covered his face and groaned. His son sounded exactly as
he had when, at fifteen years old, he had witnessed death for the first
time, clutching the white-muzzled head of his beloved dog to his chest,
vainly patting the cooling side that no longer rose and fell with
breath. There had at least been an answer then; a way to shift
the blame for his child's hurt onto Iluvatar for designing life so
elusively. No such escape was possible this time.
"I do not know, Elrohir. Glorfindel says it is a sickness of the
spirit that has affected my mind. Perhaps this is so."
He answered a different question, for Elrohir wanted only to learn what
made his father doubt his sons' love so greatly that he could not speak
truthfully to them. Elladan, however, decided this was as good a tack
to take as any and began his interrogation.
"What does that mean, Adar," he demanded. "Is it the grieving
malady? Is it connected to Ningloriel's departure?"
"You are wise to perceive this. I did not expect to lose her. I did not
expect to care when I did."
The twins waited, attention fixed on their father's face, clearly
anticipating more than this, but Elrond added nothing. They exchanged
their chagrin in swift eye contact. Elladan cleared his throat.
"Did you love her, than?"
That brought a response. Elrond raised a gaze ablaze with an
unattractive mixture of contemptuous disgust and outraged incredulity.
"Love that demimonde? How can you even suggest that?
Elrohir I might imagine to invent such romantic nonsense, but not you,
Elladan; never you!" Elrond's mordant tone stung. "I had grown
accustomed to having her at my beck and call, nothing more."
His sons stared at him.
I do not like these abrupt shifts in temper!
Aye, one moment penitent the next outraged.
"There must be more. What has this to do with Legolas?" Elrohir queried
irritably.
"Everything and nothing. In so many ways it did not matter that it was
Legolas and yet no other would suffice." Elrond murmured this cryptic
response and earned a disgruntled sigh from his oldest.
"All right, enough, Adar," he groused. "Be specific. We are to be
humbled before the entirety of the silvan populace and I want to
understand the reason for it."
"As long as the child was Ningloriel's it mattered not who it was. I
did not care about Legolas; I did not even know Legolas. The
archer, as an individual, was immaterial. That she only bore the one
child made it all so much easier, the outcome so perfect!"
"Perfect? That is not how I would describe this situation," snarled
Elladan. "Never mind." He raised a hand to silence the predictable
negation. "Why was the seduction of this ambiguous offspring necessary?"
"Aye, could you not find someone else to, to satisfy this,
these…needs?" Elrohir shifted uncomfortably, not used to asking about
his father's personal habits in this manner.
"No, Elrohir, no one else would do. Legolas was born for one
purpose alone. He was given into my hands as an instrument of revenge
against the House of Oropher," the Elf Lord said seriously.
That stunned Elladan and Elrohir into silence both internally and
vocally. They regained the unspoken ability first.
That is irrational. The Valar would never allow it.
He cannot truly think this.
If he does then it is madness we are dealing with.
"What sort of vengeance. I do not understand; you assured us
Legolas is not of your seed." Elrohir's voice was unsteady as he spoke,
for he earnestly hoped this part of his father's earlier speech had not
been a lie. He was unprepared for the ugly snort of laughter the remark
provoked from Elrond's lungs and startled.
"True! I merely wished for Thranduil to believe so. Vairë put in
my hands the means to destroy his idyllic little world, the key to
undermining the dynasty that foolish Sinda hopes to establish: Legolas.
Ningloriel was exceptionally helpful as well; refusing ever to lie with
her husband once the child was born. How that must have torn at
Thranduil's soul, having already named the bastard his heir!" Elrond
chuckled unpleasantly.
"What of Legolas' soul, Ada?" Elladan rejoined. "You took your revenge
upon an innocent."
Elrond seemed surprised to hear this sentence spoken from his eldest's
lips and peered at him closely.
"Elladan, I have just told you, there was no thought given to the
archer at all much less to cause him suffering. I assumed his mother
would shield him from Thranduil. And you cannot blame me for the
perfidy of her other paramour.
"If you seek redress for wrongs upon the outcast Wood Elf then search
among his household, not yours! Should that not be sufficient for your
sense of justice, turn your eyes to Valinor and take up your case with
Manwë."
"Nay. You cannot shrug it off so casually. You speak of events
centuries past and we are asking why you chose to seek out Legolas,
wilfully mislead him, and use him for his mother's replacement. Why do
you not answer?" Elrohir cried in frustration.
"You evade our questions by pointing to the faults of others. I am
truly disgusted that any elf endured the kind of abuses Legolas' life
entailed, but I am not here to speak of Ningloriel's maternal
shortcomings or her guardsman's predilection for incest," Elladan was
on his feet pacing to expel his energetic fury. He did not fail to note
that these words provoked a shudder through his father's body. "Yes,
think about it, Adar. What if someone you trusted had done this thing
to Arwen?"
"How can you speak such thoughts even hypothetically?" Elrond stood
also and advanced upon his eldest, cheeks rapidly darkening as his rage
increased.
"How could you do it?" shouted Elladan. "Ningloriel trusted you, did
she not?" His father froze under the vehemence of the outburst.
"What do you mean?"
"Explain it to me, Adar. How could you get hard and take pleasure from
someone that way? Were you fucking a concept or an elf?"
"Do not be crude! Everything changed after I saw him. You would not
understand someone like Legolas. He is used to different ways."
"Somehow I do not think you are referring to the more esoteric aspects
of silvan culture," was Elladan's sardonic retort.
"I do not wish to understand," said Elrohir sadly.
"Aye, you want to go on pretending Legolas is an innocent child!"
Elrond turned abruptly to his younger son. "He is depraved and
perverted. I do not wonder you evade the truth, for even I found it
disturbing."
"It did not deter you from availing yourself of these unspecified,
unusual appetites," remarked Elladan.
"That is enough!"
"Nay it is not even marginally sufficient," Elrohir said. "You refuse
to enlighten us as to what drove you to choose such a course. Instead
you want to make Legolas responsible for your actions and admonish me
for trying to see what may be good over what may have become twisted.
"I am not a child, yet why should maturity be marked by a loss of
compassion, exchanging hope for bitterness? Why must you excuse your
sexual predation by pointing to others that committed the same sin
before you? What you did with Legolas has nothing to do with even the
most basic reasons to initiate a physical union."
"You are wrong in that, gwador, for this is about the desire for power,
or more correctly the desire to feel powerful, and in that pursuit sex
is a common weapon," replied Elladan.
"Aye, I just did not contemplate my father would be playing those
games."
A thick silence blanketed the room then, for it was perhaps more
surprising for the twins to learn of the deep insecurities their father
must harbour than to consider he might engage in less traditional forms
of carnal intercourse. As for Elrond, it was nothing less than
harrowing to have his inner soul exposed and dissected, commented upon
and condemned by his children.
He stared from one to the other, disbelief once more paramount upon his
features, defiance diminishing under the cold realisation that what
they would now attribute to his character was worse than the crimes he
had actually committed. His shoulders slumped and he felt Elladan take
his arm, tugging, and allowed himself to be led back to the fireside.
He collapsed into his chair in ruin.
Elladan returned to the sideboard and this time brought them all a
serving of Miruvor. With a heavy sigh he resumed his seat and glanced
at his brother.
I am sorry.
Elrohir sipped the cordial slowly.
For what?
Pressing him to this point.
No matter. Yet I am weary of this, for he refuses to answer.
"I realise you are talking to each other so you may as well speak
aloud," Elrond mumbled in aggravation.
"I said this arguing exhausts me and still you will not account for
what is happening," snapped Elrohir. "Admit it, Ada. You are enthralled
with the Wood Elf."
"In Elbereth's name, how could it happen? What is it that has reduced
you to this state of inexplicable instability of character and spirit?
Valar, you left Erestor there!"
"Does he look like her? Is that the attraction?"
"Aye, you have hit upon it, Elrohir. He must favour Ningloriel in
appearance but sunk low, isolated, condemned and exiled, vulnerable to
false kindness and lying tongues, open to punishment. It is not
Thranduil Adar sought revenge against but Ningloriel."
"Fine! Have it your way, I sought Legolas and revenged myself on both
the Sinda upstart and his whoring queen. Satisfied?" Elrond stood and
yelled so suddenly that Elrohir jumped and Elladan rose also. But the
noble Lord was not finished. "I set out to use him from the beginning!"
he hissed, furious to be forced to such admissions.
"He is nothing, worthless! Yet you would let him stand between your
loyalty to your family, to your father!" He stalked to the long
windowed doors closed against the deepening night and stared out. Only
the room's interior met his sight and he looked upon the disturbing
image of his sons, completely bereft in bafflement and fear, reflected
in the glass.
"How can you doubt our devotion?" Elrohir's ragged voice rang out. "We
are here, attempting to deal with this disgrace rationally. We are
trying to give you the opportunity to explain yourself…"
"Explain myself?" Elrond roared and wheeled to stare at his younger son
in outrage. "I do not need to justify my actions to you or anyone else!
I am positively infuriated that my own sons stand here within our home,
convicting me of the darkest crimes possible!"
"What do you expect? You have told us nothing but lies and shifted
blame onto an innocent!" Elladan shouted back.
"I expect my sons to uphold whatever I choose to reveal, unquestioning
and resolute in their fidelity to our family and our Realm! I deserve
no less from my children."
"I know not what you deserve, but we have not harmed you!" Elladan
strode across the room to confront his father. "As your sons, we have
certain presumptions as well. Enduring these blatant misrepresentations
of your deeds is not among them."
"Nor would I have imagined my Adar would then badger me for questioning
such deviations," added Elrohir. "I feel as though I do not know who
you are. You do not sound at all like my Adar," the younger twin
said in bewilderment.
"Well I am more than your Adar. I am Elrond Peredhel, too. And
how would you know anything of me, Elrohir? You have perceived
only what you and your siblings needed, beheld the leadership that
others demanded. Does that selfless dedication not warrant some
appreciation? Elrond of Imladris will not be belittled in this manner!"
"What would you have then, Elrond of Imladris, your sons at your side
or the heirs to this Realm? As the former we will lend our aid and
share in any punishment due. As the latter we will let you suffer
Thranduil's dungeons if that is what amity requires!"
"Nay, nay, Elladan, this is wrong!" Elrohir got up so quickly the chair
overturned. "I could never do that! I cannot separate myself
thus, son or Lord. Please do not say such things!" He hastened to
Elladan as he spoke, pulled his brother back and forced him to sit upon
the sofa, sinking down next to him.
Elrond was white and round eyed as he looked at Elladan's cold and
hardened visage, shaken to have his first born even suggest this option
existed. To hear him speak of abandoning his father to the black
death of incarceration was staggering to his mind and wrenched open in
his soul a new wound over those still festering from long centuries
past.
"This cannot be happening," whispered Elrohir in despair and leaned his
head on his brother's shoulder.
I want my Ada back, Elladan! I want
our
family restored!
Perhaps it has all been a dream, brother, and we are waking to the
reality now. This is our father.
"Did you want him to die so she would never know what you did? Did you
hope to resume your affair once you sailed West?" asked Elrohir
quietly. "Would you console her in her grief?" The very thought made
the younger twin's gut convulse.
"Nay, I had no wish for him to meet such a fate. You cannot
believe me so cold, Elrohir! Instead, I would have claimed Legolas for
my mate rather than leave him to suffer. The day I found him locked in
Erestor's embrace I had hoped to confess my intentions. He made his
choice."
"So it is covetous jealousy that moved your heart to renounce your
friend and abandon Erestor to Eru alone knows what fate," Elladan
concluded.
"Aye, it is true. I have wronged Erestor. His honour will be
restored and I will suffer the consequences for this foolish endeavour
alone." Elrond tried to placate his eldest.
"Noble words, but empty in the absence of genuine contrition,"
chastised Elrohir. He was lost and could not tell anymore when to
trust his father's voice and when to suspect subterfuge. The
bitter barking laugh that fell from Elrond's lips did not encourage him.
"You sound remarkably like Glorfindel," remarked the Elf Lord with a
shake of his head and an unpleasantly chilly smile. He returned to the
fireside and righted the upturned armchair, settling into it to try and
resolve the conflict, to win back his sons.
How can they express
such
empathy for the outcast and the seneschal while none is spared for me?
"I wish you meant that as a compliment; instead it stings like a
reproof," mumbled the younger twin.
"It is a good trait, honesty, and I do not mean to fault you for
it. I have no wish to refuse responsibility for my errors,
Elrohir, but it does gall me that no one must answer for the wrongs
done to me."
"Speak of these crimes, Ada, and I will demand justice for you!"
implored Elrohir.
"And what say you, Elladan? Would you avenge my wounds and seek
compensation?"
"Already I have stated this very thing," Elladan's heart was yet frozen
in wrath. "You heap further slurs upon me while I know that I am
not one who has wronged you. This is but another way to divert the path
of our discourse."
By Ulmo, there must be a way to get through to
Adar!
"No matter the number of insults and injuries you may be prepared to
list, neither is Legolas among those who owe you any debts. If his
heart has chosen Erestor, then Vairë has done your killing for
you. Erestor has not renounced his mates and Legolas is but a
diversion for him. It would seem that elf is truly condemned to a cruel
fate."
"Aye, have you no pity for Legolas, Ada? Valar!" Elrohir continued. "It
is too horrible to bear thinking of, to face such a vile Judgement
alone, left to perish in the wilderness. Into that void you insinuated
yourself and our philandering seneschal. Explain to me how the elf
warranted such a sentence. I can only pray he has not succumbed to
grief for that would place the stain of his blood upon our family for
eternity."
I cannot endure another pointless round of this
contention!
Perhaps he does not even know the answers himself.
Another interval of discontented quiescence began as Elrond considered
these comments and guessed at the unspoken ones. There was no denying
the possibility of his sons' suppositions becoming reality. Likewise he
could not pretend ignorance of the depth of misery such considerations
were inflicting upon his children. It was exactly as Glorfindel had
predicted. Elrohir was far past his threshold of endurance for despair,
leaning on his brother in limp wretchedness. Elladan busied himself
with bolstering his brother's courage, an arm wrapped over his
shoulder, cheek resting on the crown of onyx tresses.
That is a grievous debt indeed. Legolas' life was cursed from the
moment of conception, but it is I who have brought the archer's doom
upon my own. No matter their opinion of me, they have not earned such
harsh retribution.
"Peace," Elrond held up his hands, extending them toward his younger
son halfway before he noticed the slight recoil, the stiff tightening
of Elladan's shoulders as he protectively drew Elrohir closer.
Elrond let his hands fall back to his lap and studied them closely.
What would he not endure to seal up this chasm between them?
"Peace, I have wronged you both. Forgive me, Elrohir, for
burdening you with my regrettable loss of honour. Elladan, I
would never force you to make so hard a choice between your duty to me
and that owed to our people. What retribution must be made shall
not touch my children nor shall Imladris suffer for my errors."
"How can you say those words? Your crimes have already laden our family
with torment and all of Imladris with shame. That being the case, I
suggest we consider what penalties may result from your actions. Has
Galdor learned anything of silvan law regarding such transgressions?"
Elladan was unsatisfied with such a paltry apology, but he was aware of
Elrohir's limits. No more of their father's falsehoods and slanders
would the younger twin tolerate, and if Elrohir fled then Elladan must
follow, even if such flight took them straight into Thranduil's
stronghold.
Elrohir stirred and lifted himself up straight once again, raising
solemnly determined midnight eyes to his father's dusky twilight depths.
"Yes, that must be determined if possible. Yet before we move forward
in this discussion I must speak my heart. You fear to lose our love for
you, thus Dambethnîn excused your omissions and overt
misrepresentation of facts. I will accept that as the only answer to be
had from you, and that not even from your own lips.
"Yet everything will become known, and I would much prefer to hear the
account in full, from you, rather than standing beside you as Thranduil
tells it, listening as Radagast adds what he witnessed, absorbing
Erestor's rendition of events. I despair of ever hearing Legolas'
voice, for how could anyone survive the revelations of which we have
learned? We are condemned to bear the burden of his demise and I cannot
judge what sort of compensation we can render for such…"
"Nay, Elrohir, his grief was there long before I came upon him.
If he fades beneath it, there is no fault upon the House of
Eärendil," Elrond interrupted, spontaneously reaching over and
laying his hand upon his son's knee.
Elrohir stared at his father in disbelief a second. "Do I understand
you correctly? You did this thing to an elf already suffering from
grieving sickness?" He stood, roughly shoving Elrond's fingers off him.
"Elrohir…" Elrond rose and grabbed onto his son's wrist desperate to
hold him there for all the signs were apparent: his younger son was
about to storm from the room, from the valley, and perhaps from his
life.
"I would never forego my love for you, Ada. Nothing can undo the long
centuries of devoted affection you have shown to me and Elladan and
Arwen. In all my years alive I have held you in high esteem and not
because I falsely believed you perfect but rather that you conducted
yourself honourably and treated others fairly.
"Wrongs should be owned without dissembling and every means sought to
correct them. These words you said to me when I was but an elfling and
I have tried to live by them. Was all of that a farce? How could a
healer wound a dying elf? Yet though you admit to such an unspeakable
thing you refuse to accept responsibility. In the trials to come, how
am I to stand beside someone I do not respect, Ada?"
The import of this statement settled over the close air in the elegant
study with all the gravity of a landslide engulfing unsuspecting
travellers journeying through Caradhras. From such violence recovery
was seldom achieved and Elrond's heart thundered in protest as his mind
struggled to surmount the impossible and claw free of the sentence just
pronounced.
He will oppose me; or worse, he will go to Thranduil
and
seek to remove this blemish from our noble lineage himself. Where one
goes, the other must be alongside. I will lose them both.
"Aye. I see how it is for you, Elrohir. Believe me at least when I say
this is not what I intended. I chose to punish Legolas for his mother's
infidelity and desertion. I took advantage of his circumstances exactly
as you have both stated, I admit it to you openly.
"Yet something happened between us and I could not control it. I could
not even understand it! He found a way inside my soul, saw things no
one has ever imagined being there. Not even your mother had the
willingness to look upon those old wounds much less ease them," Elrond
tightened his hold on his son, this time for his own comfort, and
swallowed, searching Elrohir's dark expression for any sign of
acceptance.
"Go on, Adar," Elladan interjected quickly and stood up to flank his
brother, one hand upon Elrohir's back, the other stretching forward to
enclose his father's where it encircled the younger twin's arm. "What
did you do?"
"I had no idea how to respond to something so unforeseen, especially
from someone I was determined to scorn. I found I had to choose between
two extremes. I must either love him or despise him. I was enraged by
it! How could he make me face a choice like that? I barely knew him at
all and he just, he just…" Elrond faltered, pressing a hand over his
eyes as his head dropped. Could he really say this?
"What, Ada? Please!" Elrohir pleaded.
Elrohir, begging! Elrond ground his teeth and shut his eyes
against
this vision. He heaved a deep breath and opened them, focusing on the
floor and the three sets of boots aligned in a semblance of a circle.
All the same size, he mused in abstraction. Another sigh
followed the
compression of Elladan's hand upon his and he willed himself to
continue.
"Legolas consoled me. Even after I pried inside his damaged heart and
flung his worst fears in his face. I brought his grieving to a
conscious level he was not prepared for while he allowed me to express
mine aloud for the first time in Ages. He offered me the comfort of his
body and the sympathy of his soul. He understood we suffered the same
disease, but I rejected his compassion as pity. I could not bring
myself to accept him as an equal; I had to teach him his place, his
value. When I was done with the lesson, I let Erestor have him.
"And now I find I cannot endure it! Legolas should have been mine, for
do I not deserve that kind of devotion? He would have done anything to
please me, of that I have no doubt. Have I not earned the right to
command that level of obedience? I have done everything in my power to
ensure the happiness and prosperity of my family, my Realm. Long have I
served those I love. Am I so wrong to want the same subservience
rendered to me?"
Elrond had to stop because he found himself unable to formulate words
through the constricting tension suddenly surrounding his larynx. In
horror he realised he was on the edge of a complete breakdown, much as
he had experienced in Legolas' arms on that high flet amid the
Greenwood's canopy. The Elf Lord could not command his mind to prevent
replaying the memory of the fallen archer's soothing song, and Elrond
broke.
Instantly his sons drew him down onto the sofa, encircling their father
in a tight embrace as all three sobbed uncontrollably.
Elrond cried bitterly, realising what he had sacrificed for the sake of
his revenge, for he could have possessed Legolas entirely. The archer's
gift of accepting trust would have enabled Elrond to finally reveal the
choking torture of his riven soul. Legolas was no healer, but his open
heart would have granted a safe refuge, a haven where the Elf Lord
could discard his demons and recover.
Elladan and Elrohir wept for their father's sorrow and confusion, his
unhealed hurts and broken spirit, hidden from them before this moment.
They shuddered in relief to have the truth out in the open at last and
grieved for the love he had denied himself. They cried for their
family's shame and the dishonour upon their House. They wailed against
the storm that must disrupt their sister's pristine world and shatter
her idealised image of the perfect father. And they mourned the loss of
Legolas, who for so long had occupied a place in their hearts if not in
their family.
"What are we to do now, Ada?" asked Elrohir through his sorrow. "How do
we make this right?"
Tbc
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